Finally it was decided that now I have to work as a security guard in Pachpadra. I submitted all my documents and from yesterday morning I got ready to join the duty. Staying there was absolutely free and food was also available there but it cost money. There were about 80 people who would work with me and live there. I also got ready to stay there. My wife and daughter went to the village. When my parents came to know that I do not have any job and no work, obviously both of them got very angry. My father did not talk to me earlier but this time my mother also got very angry because I will have to live in my in-laws' house. My parents never liked this thing. I had decided that I will stay there but my father-in-law was not ready for this. He told me that after getting the payment of first 2 months, you can rent a house in Pachpadra and live there but not alone. I could not make him understand anything because he is stubborn like his daughter and I also found his point a bit right that right now my condition is very bad, so in such a situation, after getting the payment of a month or two, I will not be able to stay there. After that I should have lived separately. I started living in my in-laws' house. My brother-in-law did not like this at all. He thought that I had come here to enjoy my father-in-law's money. He did not say anything directly to me, but his behavior tells everything. Sometimes a person does not say anything, but his behavior tells what is in his mind. It was my compulsion to stay there, so I had to stay there. Along with that, I had to face some problems because the refinery was about 15 kilometers away from Pachpadra and I had to go there by bus. The bus used to go from Pachpadra only, but the distance from Balotra to Pachpadra was 10 kilometers. The bus used to leave Pachpadra at 7:00 in the morning and reach Pachpadra refinery at 7:30. I had to leave home at 6:00 to catch the bus and after coming on the road, I would have to ask for lift from people. Today is 1st July 2023, it is 4:00 in the morning, I am in my in-laws' house in Balotara. It is no less than a jail for me because I don't feel like staying here, but I am helpless because I have to stay here. The people around me probably don't like me and it will never happen that a person lives in his in-laws' house and someone likes him, especially a person who does not have money, who likes such a person, but they also have a compulsion that I am the son-in-law of that house and I have a compulsion that I do not have money. I could not sleep all night because it was very difficult for me to stay here. Apart from my mother-in-law and father-in-law, probably no one else liked me staying here. Even my parents did not like to stay here, but they did not say anything to me. They just told me that when your payment comes, then take a separate house and live there. There is no respect for the person living in the in-laws' house, nor does anyone like him. In reality, this is what was happening to me. Apart from my father-in-law, probably no one respected me. This was happening to me. I knew it but I did not tell anyone due to fear of my father-in-law. I woke up at 5 in the morning and thinking that I don't know what my fate has written, maybe I have ruined my life with my own hands. I used to live comfortably with my daughter and wife in Jodhpur and today the circumstances have become such that I am lying alone in a room here, that too in my in-laws' house where there is respect for show and love for show. I have made my condition such that I am now a nobody. Well, whatever it is, it is fine. Maybe this must have been God's will. Thinking this, I came out of the bathroom and went to take a bath.
My sister-in-law's wife got up and went to the kitchen to cook food. When I came back after taking a bath, she kept tea in my room. I got ready. Security guards have a different uniform. I wore it and took my tiffin and came out of the house. I stood on the road and started asking for a lift by looking at the vehicles passing by. A motorcyclist stopped his vehicle, I sat on it and reached Pachpadra. After reaching there, I smoked a cigarette and the bus was standing there but the driver had not come yet. After waiting for a while the driver came and I sat on the first seat of the bus. This was the first time I was working as a security guard in my life. I did not even know how to do the job of a security guard.We sat in the bus, the bus left and we reached Pachpadra refinery. On reaching there, our supervisor made us parade. All the old colleagues went to their posts. We three were new. The supervisor gave us information about the work in the refinery, what work is done here and what work we have to do. I saw a refinery for the first time. It was so big that I kept looking at it. There were thousands of people on huge chimneys. Everything was new for me. The supervisor asked us how much education we had. I had two colleagues who were less educated than me. So the supervisor posted us in the store room because most of the paperwork is done there because all the goods go from the store room itself. So I was posted at L&T’s consumer store and explained my work to me that this is the store room, goods go out from here, you have to check the goods, how much goods are going, who is giving the goods and which contractor is taking the goods. And the supervisor left and made me sit on a chair there. I was not able to understand anything. What is happening and how is it happening?
I started sitting and roaming around there. The store room used to open at 9:00 and at 9:30 people used to come to the store room to take the goods. I did not know the maths of how it happens. I was just told that you have to write a report every hour in a copy that everything is fine in my area and you have to keep roaming and not sit. The store room opened and slowly people started coming to take the goods. I sat there on a chair. It was very hot. It had not rained yet and there were no chances of rain in the coming few days. On top of that, the refinery was a completely plain area where the sun was shining directly. On top of that, it was a desert area where a lot of dust and soil was flying. There was no road and no path. On top of that, there were so many vehicles that were flying soil all day. It was my first day, so I was roaming here and there because the supervisor had said that you should not sit, you have to roam around the whole day and be careful, but he did not tell me what to take care of. Stuff was lying scattered all around. People would come and go after saying salaam to the guard sahab. I feel a little good that people respect me. Sukhbir, the security guard who works with me, had been working here for three-four years. He was from Uttar Pradesh, India. He used to eat gutkha all day and was always tired. He told me that our job is to check who is carrying the goods, who is carrying how much goods and who is giving him the goods. If a person from the store gives the goods, stop him and if someone else takes the goods and takes them away, stop him and ask where he is taking them. This is our job. It was 1:00 in the afternoon, I opened my note and ate food. People were working. It was lunch time. All the workers ate food and slept. But the job of a security guard is so difficult that he cannot rest for even two minutes after eating food because most of the thefts happen during lunch time because most of the workers rest. People commit thefts during this time. Therefore, we need to be most alert at this time. People are coming and taking the goods. Who is giving, how much is he giving, who is giving it to?
I was not able to understand anything. I was just standing there. I was standing and watching what was happening. The heat was so intense. There were no trees anywhere nor any place to sit. There was just noise all around. At 8:00 pm our duty got over. Another security guard came in my place. I handed over the charge to him and went towards the bus. We sat in the bus and went to Pachpadra. From there I stood on the road and started getting lift from the vehicles coming. Then I took a lift from a motorcyclist and reached home. At 9:15 pm I reached my in-laws' place. I took off my uniform, freshened up and had food. My father in law asked how was my day. I said it was good. I shared my experience with my father in law. After having food, I went to my room and slept.I got a call from my mother. She asked me how are you, how was your work today? I said, everything is fine, I am fine, work is also good. I put my phone on charge and went to sleep, but who can sleep? I roamed around a lot today, my stomach started aching, but whom should I tell? There is no one to listen. I quietly slept on my bed and started blaming my fate that where was I and where did you throw me, but what is the use of blaming fate when you yourself are entitled to it. We are the ones who decide our life, how we will live, in such a situation what can fate do? I wanted to do a lot but could not do anything. This was the proof of my failure that I will probably never be able to succeed because I do not want to succeed, I am not ready to work hard for it. I am just trusting God that God will do some miracle, only then will I do something, but till date this has never happened, neither has God ever done any miracle, nor is there any possibility of it happening in the future. I kept talking to my mother. The voices of the family members were coming from outside, my father-in-law was drinking alcohol and was attacking my brother-in-law. My younger brother-in-law was shouting at me that he does not study and roams around all day. Outside the room, my mother-in-law was shouting that why do you beat Mukesh again and again. My father-in-law's relationship with me is not right. I don't know much about why it is not right and maybe there is nothing worth knowing. Both of them have been living together for so many years. They have given birth to four children. They have married their daughter. Despite that, they both fight with each other. So this is not a big deal because in my view, it is not worth knowing. My elder brother-in-law is explaining to his mother not to speak in front of father. After some time, everything became quiet. Everyone slept but I am not able to sleep and I will not be able to sleep either. But I have to go to work again in the morning and work there all day. So I am trying to sleep. I am trying to pull my knowledge towards sleep but sleep is not coming. After a few hours, I got up, went to the bathroom, drank water and then came back and slept. I kept thinking like this for some time and fell asleep.
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